"I lost you a long time ago,
I know this,
I lost your trust and confidence.
I gave you that "it depends" kind of love.
I didn't know how to love you unconditionally.
You see I have exposed that love before.
I loved despite,
I loved even though and it was on a mistake.
Now I have become that mistake,
A broken, thoughtful without empathy, loving with conditions, mistake.
My love for you is not understood by me,
Thinking of you doesn't go beyond my comfort level.
Leaving was my comfort because I feared losing you so much.
Losing- I knew you would be gone forever if I lost you
But if I left you, I was more in control of my loss
Maybe I could have you again,
Maybes are good,
Better than nevers.

I was selfish, giving you that "but I" kind of love;
I was weak,
Never wanting to truly say how much I needed you,
Because needing is too vulnerable.
I was distant because of my inability to pure love."

I have so much to share, I could write a book! I guess I decided to start with this piece because it was already here! I don't know why God brought me back here, to my blog which hasn't been active for more than a year but I feel compelled to begin sharing what I've written over the past year/what I've been through. Yes, I still write but I've shared it only with loved ones. But I miss sharing and writing with intent. I'm just as curious as you to see what this blog will become, but I think it'll be interesting...